Two different freelance writers were talking to me about confidence issues recently — how they don’t feel confident telling prospective clients what they’re worth, how they don’t feel confident sharing their views openly on their blogs, etc. Today I’m going to get slightly personal and talk about where a lot of my own confidence comes from, including how you can get a taste of it for yourself.
I wear flipflops year-round. Sure, they’re comfortable, but that’s not the main reason. I wear them to avoid adding extra height. I’m already six feet tall (which is apparently gargantuan in terms of women by the looks and comments I still get about it). Male friends have admitted that they were intimidated by my height when we met. Little old ladies constantly approach me asking them to reach this or that for them in the supermarket. I couldn’t get lost in a crowd, even if I wanted to.
That’s the key — as much as I wanted to be the shy little mouse when I was growing up, it wasn’t an option for me. I was always going to stand out, regardless of what I did. I didn’t have to be flashy or loud. I just had to be me. I could spend my whole life hating that and feeling uncomfortable, or I could embrace it. I chose the latter.
When you’re forced into a spotlight you don’t want, confidence comes from that. That doesn’t have to be a physical quality. Any kind of spotlight will do. Height was simply mine. I’m more confident in business because I learned how to use that to my advantage to command attention when I need to, and that confidence has carried over to almost all aspects of business (although I’ll admit I still feel out of place sometimes in more personal situations involving crowds — when I don’t want to command attention).
You have to be willing to put yourself in uncomfortable situations sometimes if you want to excel and become more confident. Confidence doesn’t come from existing comfort. It comes from doing, and being, more. So put on a set of stilts, literally or figuratively. See what the world looks like with a different point of view, and imagine how the world could be looking differently at you. Then find a way to make it work to your advantage. We all have something we can build confidence upon. What is it for you?
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Krysha Thayer
Brie Wallace
Crystal
Lori
Lucy Smith
Many times when people hear the phrase “freelance writer”, they automatically think of a carefree creative, no rules, no structure.
While I am creative (at least I think so), I’m very methodical and analytical at times. I like systems! As you can guess in some situations this can create some friction.
In my business, this “asset” helps in gaining client’s confidence because I’m able to map out proposals/projects in a clear way and they have a better idea of what to expect.
Great post and I’d just like to add my two cents.
One of the most important points in regards to confidence that I have learnt is to remember to take every meeting with a new person as a new opportunity. The person has not met you before and therefore the first time you meet you have the ability to be someone who you may not necessarily have been in the past.
I’m not saying to change your personality, but simply that if you have become stuck in a certain social or personality rut amongst old friends, meeting someone new gives you the opportunity to be a little different – in this case, more confident.
The problem that a lot of people encounter when thinking about confidence is exactly that – they over think it. Whether you’re naturally confident or are just pretending (which is what A LOT of people do), have a few lines or phrases in your head that you would like to use or can fall back on if you think you’re beginning to lack confidence, stand tall, smile and let the conversation flow.
This is honestly something I’ve been doing for several years, as I wasn’t a naturally confident person. However, I wouldn’t feel wrong in saying that in respect of my confidence, a lot of people from school wouldn’t recognise me now.
All the best,
Dan
I really liked this post. My confidence comes from my intelligence, being comfortable in my own skin, and long legs :)
I’m working with a group of artists to help them build their confidence. People prefer to work with those who have and exude confidence. They want to be reassured that you know what you’re doing, otherwise you could blow the sale. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
@Rebecca — LOL Yes, long legs definitely have their place in the mix.
And you’re absolutely right about people preferring others who are confident. It’s true in both business and the personal side of things. When you know that you know what you’re talking about, and when you can assure others that you do, it goes a long way towards helping them commit to a project.