Do you like the worst freelance writing job of the week portion of these posts? If so, and you’re not a regular visitor, check out what I did all by my lonesome (with Jenn’s help, fine) on what is quite possibly the worst business model known to man. And now on to the jobs!

1. Standup writer – are you a comedy writer? You can get paid pretty handsomely for a 10- to 15-minute gig that someone will buy off you. My tips, in case you haven’t done this before: write more than you think you should, and push for the higher pay on this gig. Writing standup is friggin’ hard. This freelance writing job pays $250 – $500–and you’d better not ask for less than half a gee!
2. Calabasas reporter – do you live in Ventura through Calabasas? I don’t, and I have only the vaguest idea of where it is. But if you do, then maybe you ought to consider being a freelance reporter for this publication. They’re paying decently, and they seem pretty dang legit. This freelance writing job pays a minimum of $50 per assignment.
3. Business plan writer – first off, you’d best have some experience writing business plans. If you’ve written to angel investors or venture capitalists, all the better. You’ll be writing a business plan for this gig, which I guess you’ve already figured out. This freelance writing job pays $500 for the business plan.
4. Dermatology reviewer – if you have your MD or DO (and I’m going to be sort of surprised if you do, but you never know) then this is the job for you. If you do not, skip to the next job. If you specialize in dermatology, all the better. You’re doing medical content review, and the pay is pretty decent, although more than likely a pay cut if you’re a doctor. This freelance writing job pays $50 per hour.
5. Port Chester reporter – just like the Calabasas gig above, you’d best be from Port Chester, NY. Get ready to be a freelance reporter, and try to find awesome stories that don’t suck. Seems easy enough, right? This freelance writing job pays anywhere from $50 to $200 per assignment.
6. Hindi video blogger – we don’t necessarily have  set rate for being a video blogger, but I happen to have experience doing video blogs. They count roughly the same as per article, although they can be easier to write. Heck, they don’t even necessarily have to be scripted. This freelance writing job pays $200 per five video blogs at one to five minutes each–and at that rate, I’d keep it at the short end.

Never, ever, ever work for ‘exposure’. Is this obvious? Absolutely. But let me tell you why. The thing is that you might find this job that pays nothing but exposure. Awesome, you think. I’m writing for a blog that can at least get me some visibility. A lot of these sites claim that they can’t pay you jack, but they can get you seen. Oh, but then you find out the Google Pagerank. Are you not supposed to obsess on pagerank? I suppose. But if you’re writing for a blog that’s at P2–and this is the painfully obvious part–you are not getting goddamn exposure. You are working for free for a tiny website that is not making it. Sure, the site might explode tomorrow and reach P6, but you are still not getting paid. If the site’s that big (even at P2), then they should be able to sell ads at a premium and pay their dang writers. If they’re not, they have a poor business model. And if someone has a poor business model, do not work for that person.

Hot damn am I sick of these coauthor jobs on Craigslist. You’ve seen the type–I’ve got an incredible story, blah blah, we’ll both make a million, kid, you’re gonna be a star! Well, this one is the straw that broke the comedian’s back. I cut some pertinent info, but the basic sentiment is there. I’m gonna break this one down for you. He’s in italics. I’m in bold.

Presently I am working on the second edition and have already added quite a bit of new material. However, the basic structure of the new version has yet to be determined, as it will be changed dramatically from the original.

Translation: be prepared to be my editor!

After self publishing the second edition, I plan on investing some capital marketing it, including a book tour/vacation with plenty of business expenses to be written off.

Oooh, he’s investing capital. That is a fancy word for money. Clearly, this man knows what he is doing.

The book was classified as political science by iUniverse. I would classify it as antiestablishment if there were such a classification.

If you want to classify a self-published book on how to get 200 miles per gallon out of your car as antiestablishment, I guess that makes more sense than political science. I am guessing iUniverse didn’t create a nutty bastard category yet.

This is a part time gig. I request that you spend 4 hours per weekday for a total of 5 weeks working with me on the book at my apartment probably first thing in the morning.

Oh boy! Spending time with a retired engineer/conspiracy theorist! It will be like The X-Files, only Mulder and Scully have been replaced with a loon and an underpaid writer!

I am looking for an educated, enthusiastic, rebellious, bohemian, to assist me in several capacities.

Bohemian translates to ‘willing to work for nothing’.

You’ll be compensated at the rate of $10.00 per hour, payable in cash at the end of each day of work. I will also credit you in the published version when our work is completed and will guarantee you in writing a minimum of 10% of the profits, depending on how much I feel you have contributed.

I love the line about how your pay will depend on how much he feels you contributed. Personally, I’m on the fence about being between 15% and 16.7%.

That means when I sell my first million copies you will earn roughly $100,000, assuming that I earn $1.00 per book sale. A little work now could mean a huge payoff a few years down the road.

Yes, and I suppose buying oceanfront property in Arizona will eventually pay off, provided California conveniently slides into the Pacific.

This is your opportunity to get published and change the world. A building may last 500 years, but a book lasts forever.

As does bullshit, and I don’t mean the bovine kind.

If you’d like to look through longer aggregated lists of freelance writing jobs to help you save time in your job search, All Freelance Writing recommends Anne Wayman’s freelance writing jobs at AboutFreelanceWriting.com.