Let’s can the intro this time–I have a trillion jobs for you to apply for. Get at it!

1. PR Writer – if you are PR writer who works in beauty/fashion and you’d like to make money, then you should apply for this job. Per placement, you’ll be compensated so hit this one up if you like money. This freelance writing job pays a minimum of $50 per placement.
2. Hip-hop ethnographer – I don’t know what an ethnographer is. If you do, and you are one, then you should apply for this job. I would also encourage you to like hip hop, as that’s something that you’ll be covering. It pays well! This freelance writing job pays $500 for the assignment.
3. Art writer – prerequisite number one: you must know art. Prerequisite number two: you must like art. Prerequisite number three: you must write about art. Seems pretty easy! This freelance writing job pays $50 per page–just be sure it’s 500 words or less.
4. German translator – können Sie Deutsch sprechen? Wenn ja, dieser Job ist Ihnen ideal! Schicken Sie einen Email mit früher Arbeit und Seiten. Danke! Dieser Gig zahlt $800 dem Job.
5. Website writer – a spectacular About Us section is needed. Can you write it? Only your body of work and application to this job will tell. This freelance writing job pays $50 for the assignment.
6. Script writer – have you ever made a commercial script before? Do you love the Museum of Sex? If you said yes to both then apply for this job. It’s a great opportunity! If you’re into that sort of thing. This freelance writing job pays $250.
7. Screenplay writer – this freelance writing opportunity involves helping write a screenplay that’s a sequel to a thriller. To forewarn you, this job sounds like it could go either way. Be assertive, ask a lot of questions. Make sure that it’s not going to consume your life for not much pay. But it could be awesome, so that’s why it’s here. This freelance writing job pays $5,000.
8. Real estate blogger – this topic is making me fall asleep just by writing it, but if it fascinates you then kanpai! It pays well, and I hope you know a lot about property taxes. This freelance writing job pays $50 per post.
9. Wedding planner – are you a writer who has experience planning weddings? Specifically, your input would be needed on second marriages and how children are treated for that arrangement. If this sounds like you, then you’re probably the only one out there. But it pays well! This freelance writing job pays $0.20 a word.
10. Songwriter – I will simply quote from this but the singer is looking for someone to ghostwrite a song that is something “like Prince would write”. If you have enough funk in you then by all means, this is the job for you. This freelance writing job pays $200 flat.
11. Arabic/Cantonese/Hindi translator – if you speak any of those languages, there’s a need for a translator. Unlike virtually every other translation job I have seen out there, this one pays a decent wage. Please feel free to apply. This freelance writing job pays anywhere from $600 to $3,000, depending on the language.
12. Local news writer – if you live on Long Island and you like news, then you should start getting paid for it. You will need, and I am quoting here, “a computer with internet” so I hope you’re not reading this blog with your psychic powers or anything. This freelance writing job pays from $350 to $1,300 per week–find out the per word rate!

For this tip of the week, I want to turn things over to you, the readers. What would you like more tips on? What would you like to see less of? And more importantly, do you even care about the tips? I would like to know!

This one’s a doubleheader because there’s two of the exact same kind. I will indicate which is which.

Medical Transcriber for a busy private practice. You listen to a recorded dictation by our Doctor and you type a diagnostic report based on it. Part/time (relatively flexible schedule, you can negotiate to do some reports at home). Compensation by check: you will be paid per report (average of 50 reports/day, often more), rates TBD based on experience level, nice neighborhood in Manhattan with plenty of transportation options. Expect a brief training period of about 2-3 days.

AND

Brooklyn Playwright is seeking a Secretary with EXCELLENT computer skills for 1-3 weeks and/or possibly long term.

My outrage at these ads is not that they seem like bad jobs. In fact, they seem like quite good jobs. I would sure as hell apply for them if I were a secretary (really? people still say that?) or a medical transcriptionist. In fact, had I the training, I would have applied for these jobs because they sound interesting, fun, and look like they both pay well.

But why am I not applying to them?

Oh right, because I am a ding dang WRITER. I am not a medical transcriptionist. I do not get paid to listen to audio recordings and then write them down. That is not writing. That does involve writing things down, but that does not involve any creativity on my part. If you want a transcriptionist, you do not want a writer.

Similarly, Brooklyn playwright, I am disappointed in you. You of all people should know that writing doesn’t involve hitting keys on a keyboard. It involves creativity, prose, grammar, and style. Why the hell are you idjits posting damn secretarial work in the writing section anyway? Unless you like getting flamed by the already angry writers on Craigslist, you ought to move your inquiries for work elsewhere to a more fitting section. Like anywhere else.

If you’d like to look through longer aggregated lists of freelance writing jobs to help you save time in your job search, All Freelance Writing recommends Anne Wayman’s freelance writing jobs at AboutFreelanceWriting.com.