All Freelance Writing » clint osterholz

Freelancer Mandatory Dress Code

Clint Osterholz — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:30:43 +0000

As some of you may or may not know, there is a freelancers’ union that is free to join. Many freelance writers join for group benefits like discounts that you would normally find in an office setting. They also have a pretty good health insurance plan and even a 401(k). They also have formed a political lobby and often keep members in the loop on issues that affect them, such as unemployment insurance.

I think the power that they have over freelancers has gotten to their head though. Check out this memo they sent me this morning.

For Immediate Release

Re: Freelancer Dress Code

Dear freelance union member,

As you are no doubt aware, freelancers comprise 30% of the workforce in the United States. We are a strong group comprised of graphic designers, writers, and video editors, to name a few. We are often overlooked, hardworking individuals who deserve respect.

It troubles me deeply, however, that we often demand rights while sitting at home deep into the afternoon still wearing fuzzy bunny slippers and monkey pajamas at best, little more than boxers at worst. This is not the way to put forth a commanding image. Henceforth, any members of the Freelancers Union must adhere to the following dress code.

All men must wear a shirt. I’m sorry, but I have to be strict on this. It doesn’t matter if you have decided to go with pants or slacks as no one can see you from the waist down on Skype anyway, but have the professional courtesy to wear something on your torso. Undershirts are not shirts.
All women must likewise at least be dressed in day clothes. Pajamas are no longer acceptable day-to-day wear, nor is a bathrobe, towel, or any iteration of sauna attire or athletic gear. The Sporty Spice look is also not acceptable.
Facial piercings and neck tattoos must be kept to a minimum–three of each, tops.
Personal hygiene is very important. I know that you probably have a deadline, but grab a shower before slamming out an article for a client. I can tell. They can tell.
Even if you have decided to work all day from bed, that is no excuse to be unprofessional. Men should expect to wear a full three-piece suit while women should wear a business pantsuit. During the winter months, this will help you cut down on heating costs. Dry cleaning costs, not so much.

When every day is Casual Friday, freelancers must take care to understand that casual is not defined by plaid boxers and a stained Lord of the Onion Rings t-shirt. With these subtle changes, I feel we can really be taken seriously as professionals.

If you’ll excuse me, my pantsuit needs pressing.

Warmest wishes,

Sara Horowitz, founder and executive director

Disclaimer: I did not actually get this email, nor would Ms. Horowitz ever send this–but I did write it with pants on.

Five Signs You Might Be a Blogwhore

Clint Osterholz — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:38:36 +0000

Dear reader, I’ve called you here today for an intervention. Oh sure. It started out innocently enough. You started out at Blogspot (maybe even Livejournal!) and put your ideas out there. It was pretty nice catching up on your infrequent and irregular posts. Once in awhile you would put up several posts in a week, other times you wouldn’t update for months on end. It was harmless.

Oh but then you couldn’t get enough, could you? It turns out that Xanga was just a gateway blog for you. You started thinking about increasing your SEO. You started updating your meta description before you even wrote your posts. You imported your blog from a nice free service to your own self-hosted domain. And–dare I even say it?–you got a Sociable plug-in. Do you even recognize yourself in the mirror?

I’m sorry. I got a little accusatory. This is an intervention. I am doing this because I love you. I …worry. I think you may have become a blogwhore. Don’t believe me? Here are five signs that you’ve become a total blogwhore:

You now read more than ten blogs per day and leave a daily comment on each one. You have never once actually contributed to the conversation beyond something chirpy like, “Wow! Great article! I never thought of it that way!” Even if the article is about tying your shoes. This is the blog equivalent of telling someone to have a great summer in their yearbook back in high school. I also hate it when you do this because I am awfully witty, and that just means you ignored my totally rad comments. Sorry, again, this is not about me.
I follow you on Twitter, and I don’t think you have once tweeted about anything but your blog. Not only that, but you often retweet yourself. That is like clapping for yourself at an award ceremony. It’s one level below getting drunk and humiliating Taylor Swift.
You use bit.ly and su.pr, so when you update your blog, I’m always tricked into clicking on it. You always post links to your own writing like they’re a complete and total surprise to you. “Wow! Look at what I found!” you tweet. I know you’re not surprised by your own writing, not unless you’re part guppy. Is there something you’re not telling me?
You post status updates on Facebook AND you hooked up your RSS feed to Facebook notes. Not only that but you’ve also linked your updates to Tumblr and Twitter so for any given update to your blog, I end up seeing that you just wrote an update four times. The next logical step is for you to call me, leave me a voicemail, text me, email me, fax me, send me snail mail, and physically come to my house and announce via megaphone that you updated. If you want, I even know a guy who can do skywriting. He’s not cheap, but people need to know that you JUST NOW at THIS VERY MOMENT updated, so spare no expense.
The last time I sent you an email, you asked me if I wouldn’t mind submitting your response to Digg.

We need you to stop before you end up, cold and shaking, outside the New Media Expo, asking people if they’d be willing to give you a linkback if you add them to your blogroll. Do you recognize yourself?

Welcome to Two New AFW Contributors!

Jennifer Mattern — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:53:03 +0000

As I mentioned earlier today, I decided to bring in a new blogger or two to manage the job listings here to free me up for some other big behind-the-scenes changes for All Freelance Writing. I’m pleased to announce that two writers are on board now, and they’ll be taking over the freelance writing job listings starting Monday of next week.

Our two new contributors are:

Clint Osterholz - Clint will be posting our blogging jobs now every Monday and Thursday. Clint has seven years of experience as a writer and editor, and has been featured in (or founded) numerous online publications and blogs. You can learn more about Clint’s previous work and find out how to hire him for your own projects at InkPup.com or follow him on Twitter @clintosterholz.

Yolander Prinzel – Yo will be posting our regular freelance writing job listings Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday each week. You might have seen Yo mentioned here recently. That’s because aside from being one of the newest contributors to AFW, she’s also my partner in the upcoming Freelance Theater audio play series (first show releasing in time for Halloween!). In addition to being a freelance financial and insurance writer, Yo also blogs at Freelance Writerville. You can learn more about her services at YolanderPrinzel.com or follow her on Twitter @YoPzelInsWriter.

We might mix things up a bit down the road, but for now I hope you’ll join me in welcoming Clint twice a week and Yo a few times each week as we bring you some more freelance writing jobs and blogging jobs than you usually get out of me (although I may add to their lists to give you even more from time to time just because I luvs ya).