I don’t think it’s any secret that I despise oDesk. Why? Because they not only allow, but encourage, clients to cross the employer / client line with their software that lets clients actually watch you work, while you’re working from your own machine in your own home, etc. I’m not going to get into the problem with that here. I suggest if you’re a U.S. freelancer you spend some time learning your rights and doing some research with the IRS as to what clients can and cannot do without taking on the increased burdens of becoming actual employers.

Today there’s a new problem. oDesk is apparently pushing the idea that they’re offering health insurance to freelancers (oh, how original). But before you get excited, read carefully. It has absolutely nothing to do with insurance for freelancers. Instead, their new oDesk Staffing will give freelancers the opportunity to work as employees instead. What’s wrong with that? Not a damn thing if you don’t want to be a freelancer.

OK. So what’s the problem? Well, you see, there’s a little catch. Actually, there are several:

• To be eligible for the benefits you have to work for them 30 hours a week. No biggie.
• To be eligible you have to work for hourly pay. If you get paid per word, per piece, etc. (typical in freelance writing as well as some other freelance fields), you’re not eligible for the benefits because it’s all based on your hourly commitment.
• Wait now, here’s the kicker. Want W-2 employee status? You have to pay them for it! Can you believe that crap? You PAY for the “privilege” of giving up your freedom as a freelancer. You PAY for the privilege of having a job. That my friends is complete and utter bullshit. Why do they charge 20%? To cover their “services” of course! What services you might ask? Oh, just the little things they’d be required to do the moment they choose to take people on as employees instead of having them work as contractors — things like tax withholdings. Say it with me now – “Bull. F*ing. Shit.”

This is really getting ridiculous (and of course, yet again, we have a program being promoted before the company’s releasing all of the details). Folks, look. If you don’t want to be freelancing, then by all means stop freelancing and take an employee job somewhere. But if you freelance, take responsibility for yourself. Get your own health insurance. Get your own benefits of every variety. That’s a part of being self-employed. If you can’t afford those things, then you’re not earning enough and either you need to rethink your rates or you need to rethink your marketing strategy because something isn’t working.

Just do me a favor, please. Don’t get sucked into these promises and “deals” without looking at them thoroughly and critically first. And don’t get your hopes up about anything a company isn’t willing to be completely transparent about up front. If they weren’t ready to release the details, they probably should have kept their mouths shut. And how about some truth in advertising please? From their oDesk Staffing page:

“Access benefits previously unavailable to freelancers, such as group health insurance and 401(k) retirement plans”

Newsflash: those benefits are STILL unavailable to freelancers. If you take on W-2 status in order to be eligible for the benefits, you will not be a freelancer. You will be an employee. Alright. I’m going shut up because if I think about this anymore my head might explode.

I think the power that they have over freelancers has gotten to their head though. Check out this memo they sent me this morning.

For Immediate Release

Re: Freelancer Dress Code

Dear freelance union member,

As you are no doubt aware, freelancers comprise 30% of the workforce in the United States. We are a strong group comprised of graphic designers, writers, and video editors, to name a few. We are often overlooked, hardworking individuals who deserve respect.

It troubles me deeply, however, that we often demand rights while sitting at home deep into the afternoon still wearing fuzzy bunny slippers and monkey pajamas at best, little more than boxers at worst. This is not the way to put forth a commanding image. Henceforth, any members of the Freelancers Union must adhere to the following dress code.

• All men must wear a shirt. I’m sorry, but I have to be strict on this. It doesn’t matter if you have decided to go with pants or slacks as no one can see you from the waist down on Skype anyway, but have the professional courtesy to wear something on your torso. Undershirts are not shirts.
• All women must likewise at least be dressed in day clothes. Pajamas are no longer acceptable day-to-day wear, nor is a bathrobe, towel, or any iteration of sauna attire or athletic gear. The Sporty Spice look is also not acceptable.
• Facial piercings and neck tattoos must be kept to a minimum–three of each, tops.
• Personal hygiene is very important. I know that you probably have a deadline, but grab a shower before slamming out an article for a client. I can tell. They can tell.
• Even if you have decided to work all day from bed, that is no excuse to be unprofessional. Men should expect to wear a full three-piece suit while women should wear a business pantsuit. During the winter months, this will help you cut down on heating costs. Dry cleaning costs, not so much.

When every day is Casual Friday, freelancers must take care to understand that casual is not defined by plaid boxers and a stained Lord of the Onion Rings t-shirt. With these subtle changes, I feel we can really be taken seriously as professionals.

If you’ll excuse me, my pantsuit needs pressing.

Warmest wishes,

Sara Horowitz, founder and executive director

Disclaimer: I did not actually get this email, nor would Ms. Horowitz ever send this–but I did write it with pants on.

Here’s mine:

Recordkeeping – I used to love accounting and everything related to it. But when it comes to freelancing, I can’t stand it. I’m admittedly one of the worst when it comes to keeping records – I can’t claim deductions for things I should be able to (and haven’t really cared), because I simply lose things.

My client files are pretty meticulous. But receipts and such…. nah. That part of the administrative side of freelancing is the worst for me. I’ve learned the hard way to get better about it though – I keep much more than I used to. One of these days I’ll finally finish setting up a new accounting system for the business (hopefully by the first of next year), and maybe I should tack a new filing system goal onto my list.

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