Author of Fortune: "Sleep Aide"

Glenn decides to give Lily some assistance with her freelance assignments so she can get some proper rest.


Glenn found one of the best seats in the cafe - a curly white table next to the window, coated in sunshine. As Lily walked up, he raised a hand. "Hey, Lily. What's up?"

Lily slid into the other seat and, with a murmur, folded her arms and rested her head on them.

"That was disappointing," Glenn said. "Hey, you still with me? Don't make me order for you and waste it on another Coors."

"I'm okay," Lily said. "I'm just tired."

"Then get some sleep."

"It's not that simple." Lily sat up, which looked more like she settled for a friendly slump. "I'm super busy this week. It's probably the busiest week I've had since this all began. And it doesn't help that Mr. Radcliff's making me stand in front of the store dressed up as The Da Vinci Code."

"Doesn't he have other employees?"

"Yeah, but he likes shouting at me more." Lily balled her fist under her cheek and looked out the window, towards the strip mall across the street. "I'm learning how to handle it, though. I take naps whenever I can. Ten minutes here, five minutes there. And doing it in traffic's taught me how to wake up quickly."

"Your head is sliding down your fist," Glenn pointed out.

Lily corrected herself. "Glenn, do you ever get super busy?"

Glenn smirked and spread his arms. "Hey, a badass for hire's job is never done. I work all the time. Hell, only reason I came to this cafe was to see if they'd let me jump their staff."

"How do you deal with the stress?"

"I cut down," Glenn said. "Just focus on what I need to do now and let everything else slip for a while. Just keep telling myself that it's okay to stop playing Call of Duty for a few days."

"I can't let anything slip right now," Lily said. "Most of my deadlines are due this week. Abandoning them would just cause a disaster."

"Well, get an assistant." Glenn jabbed a thumb at his chest. "Hey, look, you just found one!"

Lily arched an eyebrow. "You, Glenn? I'm not sure."

"Ah, come on, Lily. Just because I'd rather fly a chopper through a forest fire doesn't mean I can't write well."

"Didn't you say you were busy?"

Glenn shrugged. "I can clear things up. Been meaning to take time off from World of Warcraft anyway."

Lily spread her hands across the table like she was flattening invisible tablecloth. "Well, if you're sure about helping me, here's what I'm working on. My first project is for a bakery."

"Hey, I could go for that!" Glenn said. "What do you have to do? Write a commercial for them? Test some recipes? I can help as long as it doesn't have peanuts. You don't want to see my face after peanuts."

"Actually, it's not open yet," Lily said. "I'm writing a business plan for a small startup. I'm currently doing market research, since they want to offer pastries and sweet bread, but I'm also helping them create a method to make the product more quickly. Of course, there's the first year financial projections, the exit strategy, the backup contingency plan-"

"Okay, you know what?" Glenn said. "You lost me after 'actually'."

Lily smiled a little. "That's okay. There's some other projects you can help me with instead. Like...oh! How about helping me with this feature I'm writing about Mesopotamia? It's an ancient civilization."

Glenn rubbed his chin. "That could work. What are you writing about? Secret ruins? Lost treasures?"

"How they used quadratic equations."

"Pass."

Lily spread the fingers on her hand and pulled each one down as she counted off her projects. "One of my clients is making a huge investment and needs my help calculating his current finances."

"I still owe a pizza guy his tip."

"I'm working as a copy editor for a book about recycling."

"Next."

"And I'm writing an ad for a fruit stand." Lily pointed at something across the street. "That one right there, actually."

Glenn looked in that direction, squinting his eyes. "What, that one?" Glenn asked. "Looks too small for an ad."

"The owner is trying to break out into a franchise."

Glenn sighed. "You know...I don't think I'm a fit for any of these, Lily. It's not that I don't care about them. It's just that I got bumped off of Street Fighter IV's leaderboard, and I need to work back onto it."

"Well, all right." Lily laid her hand on Glenn's arm. "But thank you for trying to help, Glenn. I really appreciate it."

"No problem."

A waiter slid up next to their table. "Hi, there!" she chirped. "My name is Cheryl and I'll be serving as your waitress today. Can I start you off with something to drink?"

Lily yawned and held up the menu to study it. "Well, I think I'll have a...a..."

A few moments passed before they realized that Lily, menu held up to her face, was not going to finish her sentence. "Ma'am?" Cheryl asked.

"Great," Glenn said. "She fell asleep with her eyes open again. Just get her some water, I'll dip her hand in it and she'll be fine."

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Matt Willard's bio begins with witty phrasing that succinctly illustrates his stance as a humorist. It is then followed with a clever sentence that illustrates what he does in his spare time. The bio concludes with a shameless link to his Twitter profile, paired with an off-hand comment that alludes to his success with women. Laughter.

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