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How to Halloween Up Your Writing

Is your writing in the pits? Are you tired of writing the same thing day in and day out? Do you wish that you could unprofessionally change your writing to fit a holiday theme regardless of content? Do you like ghosts, vampires, werewolves, and the elderly? Well now you too can make your writing more Halloweeny! Personally, I just shot over today an article on … read more

NaNoWriMo: The Quasi-Okay Prep Phase

Last year, I did NaNoWriMo for the first time and failed miserably. Not only did I fail to produce the best novel ever known to mankind, but I actually failed to even reach 15,000 words. My little project, as I now refer to the failure that is my first novel ever attempted, is completely dead. Not only does it sit on my hard drive as … read more

NaNoWriMo: Let the Pain Begin

In about a month, I am going to be a total and utter wreck. You see, last year, I participated in National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo for short. I also participated in National Nacho Book Boom, or NaNaBooBoo for short last year, but that one made no sense as I was plastered with tortilla chips, ink, and explosive powder by the end of that … read more

Surefire Procrastination Busters

Look, I’m not lazy. I’m just highly unmotivated vis-à-vis career ambition. I’m not like those people who sit around all day whining about how they don’t get jobs because they don’t apply for them–I stand up and whine. It’s what makes me different than others. But yes, I am a professional procrastinator. If I got paid for procrastinating, I wouldn’t have overdrawn my account this … read more

Illness: The Freelancer's Best Frenemy

Currently I have a uvula the size of a DayQuil lozenge pressing against the back of my tongue. After having gone to the doctor and gotten roughly a billion pills to fix the issue, I called all my friends and my mom pretending to be Julia Child. See, my doctor has a great job. He just walks in, looks at people, and writes little prescriptions … read more

The Internet is a Terrible Workplace

Oh look, Clint is writing another freelance/normal job comparison post! Listen, I get it, I’m big on that. But it’s because freelancers have a lot of interesting parallels with their be-officed brethren. I find it endlessly fascinating the kind of stuff that we do that our drone friends don’t have to and vice versa. But did you ever think about what it’s like working where … read more

A Sample Query Letter – That Fails!

Look, I don’t think you guys know this, but I hate Chris Bibey. Ever since that punk joined AFW, he’s been making me look bad, with his helpful advice and knowledgable, friendly attitude. Meanwhile I’ve been taking to sitting in front of the TV, watching old Hee-Haw reruns and eating Cheez Whiz straight from the jar, and I’ve taken to cursing at children who get … read more

Help! I'm Dating a Client!

I don’t know about you guys, but freelancing is an awful lot like online dating for me. For you married people out there or–worse yet–those of you who are happy being single, dating is this thing that you do when you meet a person and then you agree to talk to them over drinks. Then you decide whether you want to see them again or … read more

10 Signs You're in a Bad Niche

You know, not all writing niches are created equal. Since moving to the humor niche, I have found that I have gotten rock star treatment wherever I go. I get paid easily double or triple what I normally had asked for, I don’t feel like I even work that hard (just look at my half-assed posts here!), and I do a third thing to round … read more

You Have Nothing To Fear Except Zombies

Lately I have been transitioning into freelancing as a humor writer instead of as a really crappy all-purpose article writer. I’m not sure how many of you know this, but writing comedy is apparently a niche that goes unfulfilled by many. Not that I’ve found it easy to land humor jobs, but I have now been required to be hilarious on a nearly daily basis. … read more