Don't Cry Over Spilled Oil, Or "Eat That Frog, But Only If It's Chocolate"

On April 20th, a drilling rig owned by energy company BP exploded and began leaking oil into the Gulf of Mexico. It's now May 27th - over a MONTH later - and BP STILL hasn't managed to plug the spill. What're you doing, guys, digging up your nose? Looking for bears in the grotto? What's the holdup?

Oh, but apparently there's a reason why the leak is taking so long to quell. Check out this quote from an article by The Assosciated Press:

    "[...] the people who are supposed to be driving the ship don't have any idea what's going on," said E.J. Boles, 55, a musician from Big Pine Key, Fla. "Why wouldn't they have any contingency plan? I'm not a genius and even I would have thought of that."

Did you catch that, folks? Amazingly, BP never created a backup plan in case the toxic junk they were drilling for in the ocean started leaking. The guy who thought ahead here was an old dude living in Florida, but the big energy company never heard of "Break In Case Of Emergency."

If a musician can learn the painfully obvious from this disaster, freelance writers can, too. There are some good lessons to take home here, including a very polite

  • MAKE A BACKUP PLAN IN CASE SOMETHING GOES HORRIBLY WRONG. This should be a life pre-requisite. Look, you're on planet Earth. Something is BOUND to screw up at one point or another. When you undertake any risky project, please account for any worst-case scenarios. That's why Terminator had a robot apocalypse, you know. Mankind handed control of everything over to SkyNet, and they never thought of a back-up plan, like keeping it offline so it can't update Norton.
  • Furthermore, when something does go wrong, don't try to fix it with golf balls. That's how BP's trying to block the leak, by the way. They're stuffing it with golf balls, shredded tires, and knotted rope. It sounds like a tactic someone would try in a crummy comedy movie. Please, guys, if a problem comes up, make sure you have strategies to deal with it. Good ones, I mean. Ones certified with the state.
  • And by the way, don't start writing projects that could end up poisoning sealife. Sure, not all of your work will be enviromentally friendly, but do try to prevent this ahead of time. For example, you should be careful if you're writing a teenage vampire novel. All that trash could harm local wildlife.

Don't be like BP. Prepare yourself before setting out on a dangerous path. Use that little thing BP doesn't stand for - Brain Power.

Profile image for Matt Willard
Matt Willard's bio begins with witty phrasing that succinctly illustrates his stance as a humorist. It is then followed with a clever sentence that illustrates what he does in his spare time. The bio concludes with a shameless link to his Twitter profile, paired with an off-hand comment that alludes to his success with women. Laughter.

3 thoughts on “Don't Cry Over Spilled Oil, Or "Eat That Frog, But Only If It's Chocolate"”

  1. 1. They are not robots, they are cybernetic organisms.
    2. SkyNet (Google) does control eveything. So not all backups should be electronic. Have paper backups, too.


Leave a Comment