Dear reader, I've called you here today for an intervention. Oh sure. It started out innocently enough. You started out at Blogspot (maybe even Livejournal!) and put your ideas out there. It was pretty nice catching up on your infrequent and irregular posts. Once in awhile you would put up several posts in a week, other times you wouldn't update for months on end. It was harmless.
Oh but then you couldn't get enough, could you? It turns out that Xanga was just a gateway blog for you. You started thinking about increasing your SEO. You started updating your meta description before you even wrote your posts. You imported your blog from a nice free service to your own self-hosted domain. And--dare I even say it?--you got a Sociable plug-in. Do you even recognize yourself in the mirror?
I'm sorry. I got a little accusatory. This is an intervention. I am doing this because I love you. I ...worry. I think you may have become a blogwhore. Don't believe me? Here are five signs that you've become a total blogwhore:
- You now read more than ten blogs per day and leave a daily comment on each one. You have never once actually contributed to the conversation beyond something chirpy like, "Wow! Great article! I never thought of it that way!" Even if the article is about tying your shoes. This is the blog equivalent of telling someone to have a great summer in their yearbook back in high school. I also hate it when you do this because I am awfully witty, and that just means you ignored my totally rad comments. Sorry, again, this is not about me.
- I follow you on Twitter, and I don't think you have once tweeted about anything but your blog. Not only that, but you often retweet yourself. That is like clapping for yourself at an award ceremony. It's one level below getting drunk and humiliating Taylor Swift.
- You use bit.ly and su.pr, so when you update your blog, I'm always tricked into clicking on it. You always post links to your own writing like they're a complete and total surprise to you. "Wow! Look at what I found!" you tweet. I know you're not surprised by your own writing, not unless you're part guppy. Is there something you're not telling me?
- You post status updates on Facebook AND you hooked up your RSS feed to Facebook notes. Not only that but you've also linked your updates to Tumblr and Twitter so for any given update to your blog, I end up seeing that you just wrote an update four times. The next logical step is for you to call me, leave me a voicemail, text me, email me, fax me, send me snail mail, and physically come to my house and announce via megaphone that you updated. If you want, I even know a guy who can do skywriting. He's not cheap, but people need to know that you JUST NOW at THIS VERY MOMENT updated, so spare no expense.
- The last time I sent you an email, you asked me if I wouldn't mind submitting your response to Digg.
We need you to stop before you end up, cold and shaking, outside the New Media Expo, asking people if they'd be willing to give you a linkback if you add them to your blogroll. Do you recognize yourself?