I'm a relatively young freelancer compared to a lot of you out there. I haven't been "in the game" that long and I'm not as "hip to the lingo" as most of you have been. I don't "make a lot of money" which seems to be really trendy nowadays nor do I "have the ability to pay for groceries" when I'm feeling lazy and don't pump out some work. Whatever. Don't judge me.
Have you noticed these types of clients?
The Talker - oh god, the talker. This is the client that wants to discuss everything. He wants to talk about your craft. He's genuinely interested in what you're doing. He likes to do phone conferences. He likes to send long emails with lots of notes but not a dang thing to actually do with what you're doing. You know way more about him than you ever thought possible about another human being. He may or may not own several cats.
El Mysterio - oh, she pays on time. And in full. And she's always prompt. But she's short on details and she sends emails from some sort of underground bunker or undisclosed location. If you get something wrong, you'll feel it. If you get it right, you'll never know it. Screw up too much, though, and you'll find yourself stripped to your civvies in a Guatemalan prison.
That hasn't happened to anyone else? Huh. Weird. I sort of thought that was the norm.
The First-Timer - nervous, twitchy, and afraid of doing it the wrong way, a client who has never hired a freelancer does everything wrong and as awkwardly as possible. They're terrified of being ripped off but will gladly accept at face value anything you say.
"It's pretty standard to lease a car for a freelancer," I said.
"Oh. Well, I hope that a Jaguar XJS is going to be enough!" he said. I laughed evilly as I revved the engine, pointing the hood of the car towards Las Vegas.
"It's necessary research," I said.
The Veteran - unlike the first-timer, this client cannot in any way, shape, or form be convinced of anything. Incredibly easy to work for but not very fun. Like clockwork, you get paid and find out about revisions in a timely manner. Reliable. Wouldn't even pay for my iPhone gold-dipped case.
The Dinosaur - I don't know if anyone else out there has a client like this, but I live in New York. For some reason, if I land a local client, they LOVE to meet in person. They tell me precisely everything that they could have told me in an email, and then I have to go all the way back home. Thank you for having me pay $5 for the trip plus $20 for a meal plus waste two hours of my time. I want to start charging these guys a PITA rate.
Mom/Best Friend - oh god never work for family/friends. Not only do they expect you to do the work for free anyway, but then they'll send gobs of emails about how they're NOT REALLY THAT PUSHY but they'd like to know if you are going to get done with their thing at some point in the near future because that would be OH SO KEEN and maybe you will get a nice meal out of this! There is a reason I no longer do resumes. Or call my parents.
Do you recognize any of these? Let me know in the comments below.