Literary Monster Mashups, Or "Evil Dead III: Library of Darkness"

Combining literary classics with supernatural monsters has been all the rage these days. God knows why. I love a good, mindless crossover, but having the girls from Little Women fight off werewolves is a really stupid idea for a novel. It sounds more like a dream you'd have if your brain ran out of good dreams and won't get restocked until Monday.

And that's not even the biggest problem. Some people are happy that these mixed-up novels are introducing their kids to the classics. Listen - I really doubt Mark's going to like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies because zombie blood is a timeless metaphor. He's not going to read it and say, "Oh, hey, this guy's getting his brain eaten. Interesting commentary about public schools."

But hey, this is a freelance writing blog. Let's quit jabbering and find out how to exploit it for profit. I mean, the milk's gonna spoil eventually. Might as well get a big bowl of "Cap'n Ca-Ching".

  • Now's the perfect time to crank out a couple of disposable novels for easy income. Just pick a classic work, throw in some supernatural elements, and claim your voucher for free money. The best part is that you don't have to waste your brain power being creative. Just to figure out how the Blob gets to London so he can eat Oliver Twist.
  • Even better - maybe now you can dust off your awful crossover fanfiction from middle school and sell it. Oh, sure, you may have to change the names to avoid copyright. But at the end of the day, it's STILL Bruce Lee, and he's STILL kicking Porky Pig's butt. Did someone say "ride the money train"?
  • Since this is following on the heels of Twilight's success, we can only assume that adding vampires to any writing will make it unreasonably popular. This could be a powerful marketing tool if used correctly. You night not even have to promote a white paper anymore. Put vampires in there, and teenage girls will buy shirts from Hot Topic with page 14 on it.

Keep these tips in mind if you're going to ride the literary monster wave, folks. And you might as well enjoy yourself. Remember - writing is fun, but not nearly as fun as selling out.

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Matt Willard's bio begins with witty phrasing that succinctly illustrates his stance as a humorist. It is then followed with a clever sentence that illustrates what he does in his spare time. The bio concludes with a shameless link to his Twitter profile, paired with an off-hand comment that alludes to his success with women. Laughter.

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10 thoughts on “Literary Monster Mashups, Or "Evil Dead III: Library of Darkness"”

      • It’s wrong of you to have an opinion that is different from my own, but right of you to be squeamish about zombies.

        Reply
  1. I’m an aspiring screenwriter and right now Hollywood is looking for anything that has vampires, werewolves, fairies, angels, aliens, zombies, etc…If you don’t have any of those characters in your work, you could be asked to include them. I’m confident my teleplay will get looked at, sold, and produced because it takes place on Earth and on another realm. Stay tuned!

    Reply
    • I won’t lie, I DO have several movie ideas involving supernatural creatures. I would just have to sit down on my day off and work on it, but that would mean not chilling. Still trying to find a balance there.

      Reply
    • One of the novels I outlined in ’08 dealt with a lead character who was a vampire. Very unlike the teeny bopper stuff around now (although I’ll admit Vampire Diaries is a guilty pleasure — the show). I shelved that one. Don’t want to try to ride that fad in any way.

      Reply
  2. I’m all for any book that gets kids reading. Dorky wizards? Pale and wimpy vampire? Hot werewolves? I’ll take ’em all if kids will willingly crack open a book. Most of the classics are only classics because someone who died along time ago said so. That’s not to say Twilight is a classic, but what’s the most modern “classic” you can think of? That’s right – there aren’t any taught in high schools. That at least is a problem I can solve…*evil laugh*

    Reply
  3. I’m all for any book that gets kids reading. Dorky wizards? Pale and wimpy vampire? Hot werewolves? I’ll take ’em all if kids will willingly crack open a book. Most of the classics are only classics because someone who died along time ago said so. That’s not to say Twilight is a classic, but what’s the most modern “classic” you can think of? That’s right – there aren’t any taught in high schools. That at least is a problem I can solve…*evil laugh*

    Reply

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