Surefire Procrastination Busters

Look, I'm not lazy. I'm just highly unmotivated vis-à-vis career ambition. I'm not like those people who sit around all day whining about how they don't get jobs because they don't apply for them–I stand up and whine. It's what makes me different than others. But yes, I am a professional procrastinator. If I got paid for procrastinating, I wouldn't have overdrawn my account this month on account of a hamburger. It was a good hamburger though, to my credit, but it could have been better.

There are ways around procrastinating, though. I don't really know of any because I was assigned to write this article by Jenn about...well. I think it was four months ago now. I was going to research it but then StarCraft II came out and I had to destroy the Zerg infestation. There was that and then summer TV started and I really wanted to see Jillian Michaels yell at fat people, because she's pretty good at it. I have been taking notes because there are some fat people I'd like to yell at but I wasn't sure of technique. A tip: use your diaphragm. Yelling doesn't work well if you don't project.

So before you know it, of course, it's later and I still haven't done my job. But whatever, the point is that I got it done now. How did I get it done? Well, Jenn threatened to pull funding on this article and I really had to cover my overdraft fees. But that's the point: you put something off long enough and you'll find motivation to do whatever it is you need to do. Is this a poor way to work? I guess! But I've never known any other way and it works really well for me.

But I guess Clint gotta get paid so here is a list of things you can do to beat procrastination.

  • Set meaningful goals and make a timetable to figure out what needs to get done when.
  • Light a fire under your ass to get things started–a literal, real fire that might kill you. This is highly motivating.
  • Set a timer and take breaks frequently. On these breaks, drink booze. You deserve to relax.
  • Stop procrastinating. That is very helpful.

Hopefully this has lit the way for you! Please let me know what you do to combat procrastination so that I can update this post later and make it look like I did my job.

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Clint Osterholz is a freelance writer who thinks he's awfully funny, and is surprisingly not a disappointment to his parents. You're always free to check out his portfolio if you'd like someone to be funny, or maybe write something a little more serious. Subscribe to my posts (only posts from this author).

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3 thoughts on “Surefire Procrastination Busters”

  1. I like your NOTE TO SELF. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one that does this. Who wants to look at a bullet list with one bullet? You really look like you know what you’re talking about when you have at least three bullet points. That’s my rule, anyways!


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