The Internet is a Terrible Workplace

Oh look, Clint is writing another freelance/normal job comparison post! Listen, I get it, I'm big on that. But it's because freelancers have a lot of interesting parallels with their be-officed brethren. I find it endlessly fascinating the kind of stuff that we do that our drone friends don't have to and vice versa.

But did you ever think about what it's like working where we do? I mean, on the INTERNET? Most of us do work for clients on blogs now at the very least, whereas some of us (like yours truly) have never actually written a thing for a client face-to-face. The problem is, the internet is an awful place. If we were expected to actually work in an office that allowed the things that the internet did, OSHA would have come by with tranquilizer darts and nets. Let's take a look at a couple things that you'd not have to put up with at a normal job:

  • Random, horrible emails and blog comments from complete strangers that are either abusive or disgusting. On the plus side: not having to work with coworkers who are either abusive or disgusting.
  • Horribly distracting rabbitholes such as Twitter, YouTube [click at your own risk of losing a day of productivity], and Wikipedia that can kill your productive streak with just a link. On the plus side: no horribly distracting coworkers who can take up your time with stupid crap like recaps of TV shows you don't care about. Wikipedia will always beat Cheryl from compliance's complete misunderstanding of last night's House. On the down side: Wikipedia will spoil last night's episode of House for you all the same.
  • Misleading, random, and completely falsified information on countless websites, blogs, and newsfeeds that can make your job next to impossible if you have to research something. On the plus side: at least you don't have to beat all that info out of some jerk who's powertripping on the fact that he has a binder that you don't.
  • Enough filthy smutty dirty stuff online to sink a fleet of battleships. On the plus side: enough filthy smutty dirty stuff online to sink a fleet of battleships–and you don't get in trouble for taking a gander midday. On the down side: looking at dirty things online is gross. On the plus side: no one will ever know. On the down side: unless you don't know how to clear your history and cache.
  • People can publish any random crap for an article online and still get paid for it. The quality of content online is just terrible, and people can get paid pretty damn well for putting up whatever drivel seems to pop into their thick little skulls. On the plus side: I still have a job.

Why are you grateful/horrified the internet is your workplace? Let me know below.

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Clint Osterholz is a freelance writer who thinks he's awfully funny, and is surprisingly not a disappointment to his parents. You're always free to check out his portfolio if you'd like someone to be funny, or maybe write something a little more serious. Subscribe to my posts (only posts from this author).

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5 thoughts on “The Internet is a Terrible Workplace”

  1. In all seriousness, I like the ability to connect and disconnect. I felt like being isolated last night, so turned off email and grabbed the laptop and headed for the living room. After a couple of hours, I linked back up and took care of calls and emails until 11:30 at night.

    On the flip side, it can be lonely to spend most of your day in isolation without “real” people to talk to and laugh with. As a parent, it’s nice to have my other school teacher friends who have children close to the same age to chat with at lunch or at the end of day.

    And monkey-riding pigs do suck.

    • OK. This is why I shouldn’t review comments in the WP admin area. Apparently we had a lot go up today. lol And not realizing there was a third post that I hadn’t seen, I was completely blown away randomly seeing people discussing monkey-riding pigs. Context is always nice. lol

  2. I’m horrified that my only connections to the outside world are blogs and Facebook. And that my new hobby is Bejeweled Blitz. And that my ultimate goal is to kick ASS on Bejeweled Blitz and beat all those other losers who get 400+ scores because their lives suck and they have nothing better to do. I’m horrified that I’m jealous of these losers. And that I’m one of them.


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