Jenn has generously informed me that I forgot to post my humor article last week. I'm sorry, but I was too busy forgetting to do other things to remember. I owe you all a comedy post, so here goes. What I am going to do is write the worst job posting ever. What you have to do is beat what I just wrote. I want you to scour Craigslist, Elance, and anywhere else you can think of to find something worse than what I've done. Good luck.
Do you like to write academic papers? How about articles about celebrities/ how about both? now you can! You can write academic papers about Angelina Jolie and we will pay you to do it!111
This is a really important thing though: you must have good SEO on all of these papers. You need to incorporate the following keywords: real estate markets, hannah montanna, financial crisis, oil leak gulf of mexico, paris hilton new sex tape.
Here is how you apply! you have to make a wordpress blog with custom content. what you need to do is write a few sample articles for us (minimum 1,000 words please--we need to see how good you can write!) and then get a lot of traffic on that blog. when you have reached somewhere around 5,000 visitors per day with over 20,000 pageviews on average then you can work for us. we will be selecting winners in a lottery
when you start working with us, you will not be paid at first because we ned to see what you can do! so you will be working for tips instead. you need to share tips with us--10% for the kitchen, 5% for the bar. my new kitchen and bar, I mean. I want to do some drinking and cooking.
once you have proven yourself you will work at a generous rate of $5 per 1,000-word article. all content will be checked for accuracy both with grammer and spleling. we will also check to make sure there is no plagiarism, and all ideas you have must be totally unique. 100%. if I can find similarities via Joseph Campbell's seminal work, The Hero with a Thousand Faces, you will not be paid and I will keep your work and administer a slight electric shock via your keyboard.
i look forward to your contributions. deadline is noon today. hurry!
Top THAT, readers. Leave 'em in the comments. I'll pick the best one next week. You will win nothing. But at least I'm honest about it.